Celebrity news - you don't even know nuffink

Pop singer Robin Thickie has startled fans with a blistering attack on the intellectual prowess of the Great British public. The pop star claims that Britons don't understand his song 'Blurred Lines'. We went out and spoke to a fictional member of the hard working British community who said, 'like Robin Thickie don't even know what he's talking about, he don't even know nuffink and like I heard his breath stink like a baboon done a poo in his mouth or somefink.'

Great Britain, who this week won a Nobel Prize or something, was keen to show off its clever clogs status some more. One of this proud nation's fine newspapers was cock-a-hoop with itself to have found a picture of nineties pop princess Mariah Carey in which you could see a bit of her bra. One made-up reader said, 'I've not been this excited since I found the lingerie section in my mum's mail order catalogue. On those blessed pages, you could see the whole of a lady's bra and have a good old think about maybe one day being able to have a bit of a cuddle with her. Ah happy days.'

Speaking of sweet things, in industrialised countries the average person consumes about 33.1kg of sugar per year. This is about the weight of a decent sized labrador and just isn't enough! No! And to help us scoff more of the sweetie goodness is person from the television Melanie Sykes. Ms Sykes has become the new face of a sugar company and with her help we can drive that average up to at least the weight of St Bernard or a small pony. So get off your behinds, get down to your local coffee shop, tear open some sachets and started pouring the stuff down your throats. Don't do it for yourself, don't even do it for me, do it for Melanie Sykes.


This was on the radio this morning. It was on Erewash Sound. Their website is www.erewashsound.com.