Ho ho ho!

The Celebrity News Unit is taking a Christmas break. Until next your ears are graced by showbiz nonsense please enjoy this message from Santa. The big man and his elf sidekick threaten to spill all about the naughty list.

As heard on the Erewash Sound Christmas Eve special with Paul Stacey and David Allen.

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/Santa2014.mp3

Taylor Swift Experience

Celebrity jungle boredom. Taylor Swift museum update. Laughing off those baby rumours. As heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show with Paul Stacey on 19 December 2014.

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20141219.mp3

All hail our evil alien lizard overlords

An exclusive interview with the first celebrity to admit they're an actual evil alien space lizard with dreams of world domination. Also, the pick of tonight's telly. 

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20141205.mp3

As heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show with Paul Stacey on 5 December 2014.

Paddington swears by it

Twitter storm outrage. Take That streaming news. Paddington's x-rated rant.

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20141128.mp3

As heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show with Paul Stacey on Friday 28 November 2014. The sound effects are by Mike Koenig on SoundBible.com.

It's a jungle out there

An up to date update on I am a Celebrity, Strictly Come Dancing and that woman from the internet who's married to that bloke.

As heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show with Paul Stacey on 21 November 2014.

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20141120.mp3

Spooktacular!

Prepare your ears for terror as we present the Celebrity News Halloween spooktacular!!

This week be startled by invisible celeb-stopping fiends,  the devil's coffee table book and the return of a man to the thing on telly. 

Warning - this is the Halloween special. It is the scariest bulletin of the year but the producers cannot be held liable for any trouser soilage experienced by listeners. Mwahahahaha! 

Man set to return to a thing on the telly

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20141031.mp3

As heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show with Paul Stacey on 31 October 2014.

You can subscribe in iTunes (just search for 'Celebrity News') or pick it up straight from the raw feed http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/podcast/feed/5

Ain't no party on the tour de France

Find out who shares Chris Froome's tour dilemma and prepare your ears for all your favourite S Club Hits in a reunion medley.

As heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show with Paul Stacey on 24 October 2014.

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20141024.mp3

Paul Daniels' Magic Money Advice

Magic man Paul Daniels has money tips. Pat Sharp has a dog. Bono has an apology. You have been warned.

As heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show with Paul Stacey on Friday 17 October 2014.

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20141017.mp3

Baywatch reboot latest

Catch up with Colin the talking llama for the latest on the Baywatch reboot.

 

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20141010.mp3


As heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show with Paul Stacey on 10 October 2014.

Dictators, cheese and Cheryl

What's been keeping lardy chopped dictator Kim Jong Un from his official duties? What's the most dangerous thing you can type into the internet? And how are you going to fill your Sunday mornings from now on?

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20141002.mp3

So many questions but all will be answered as first heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show with Paul Stacey on 3 October 2014.

Lions, grout and booze

Bonjour mon amis and bienvenue back to Celebrity News. Celebrity French man Gerard Depardieu has revealed in an interview that he shot two lions. He also said some stuff about booze. Somehow this has something to do with Phil Spencer as well. Or have I just imagined that? Anyway, normal service on the celebrity news front has returned.

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20140918.mp3

As heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show on 19 September 2014.

Zayn's bouncy new direction

Elijah Wood curses the darkness, rumours of a 1D rift and shaving news.

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20140829.mp3

As heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show with Paul Stacey on 29 August 2014.

Feed for all episodes: http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/podcast/feed/5

Your actual iTunes link: https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/celebrity-news/id903086523

Bikini-free, dentistry and mummy Murray-mania

Kim Kardashians was recently spotted wearing something other than a bikini. Celeb scoffs at Celebrity Big Brother. And Judy gets time to dance.

Example of the type of garment not seen on Kim Kardashians

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20140822.mp3

As heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show with Paul Stacey, 22 August 2014. And also on your actual iTunes. Just search for 'Celebrity News'. We're there. Honestly.

Britain's Got Baked Off

He could have been Paul Hollywood. He could have been Mary Berry. But he wasn't. I talk to to amateur TV presenter Glen Bafta about missing out on the Bake Off gig. You can also get your latest Robert Pattinson news. 

As heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show with Paul Stacey on 8 August 2014.

 http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20140808.mp3

Nestled next to a dominatrix

Search for 'celebrity' in the iTunes podcast directory and sure enough you'll find the Celebrity News podcast.

Yep. There it is. Right next to Diary of a Dominatrix by Mistress Roulette. I blame the Fifty Shades podcast from a couple of weeks ago.

iTunes link:
https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/celebrity-news/id903086523

Raw feed:
http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/podcast/feed/5
 

Interview with the vampire

Archaeologists in Bulgaria have unearthed a suspected vampire. Could it be one of those celebrity vampires? I catch up with our contact amidst the living dead Count Battenburg. As heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show on 1 August 2014.

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20140801.mp3

Now in iTunes! Just search for Celebrity News or use this link: https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/celebrity-news/id903086523

Fifty Shades of Gr*** - audio book extract

It was the lusty literary sensation that literally got lips-a-flappin' and now it's a mucky movie. Hear an extract as broadcast on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show on 25 July 2014.

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/celebnews20140725.mp3

The raw podcast feed is here. But be warned this XML file does not appear to have any style information associated with it. Which is a real shame. 

And while you're going around the internet visit the Erewash Sound website. Or read an interview with a real life butcher.

Can you find this podcast on iTunes, you may ask. I'm not sure, I'd reply, but the possibility of its willful obscurity is what makes it cooler than anything else you listen to. Start downloading now so you can claim to have been into it before it sold out and got all commercial. 

Complex thoughts about Napoleon and Cheryl Cole

Wildly misinformed speculation about Cheryl Cole's Napoleonic ambition. Also cats. 

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20140718.mp3

As heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show with Paul Stacey on 18 July 2014.

Have a ghost biscuit

Uri Geller, the ghost of a dog, Brazil's world cup woes, Robin Thicke album crack, celeb hair distraction. 

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20140711.mp3

As heard on Erewash Sound Breakfast Show with Paul Stacey 11 July 2014.

The feed for the podcast is here: 

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/podcast/feed/5.

Everybody needs good Neighbours

Colin the llama talking about a new character set to appear in long running Australian soap opera Neighbours. 

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20131206.m4a

This was first heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show on 6 December 2013.

Adios to all that - Spain's world cup cluster fudge

Why for Pedro's sake did Spain crumble in the group stage? Was it really the fault of Coleeeeen Rooney's bikini? Listen and find out. 

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20140620.mp3

As heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show with Paul Stacey on 20 July 2014. It was very topical at the time.

Jacko's new albums - fresh from the studio floor

Apparently we can expect 8 more albums from king of pop Michael Jackson. We've got exclusive clips of what they may sound like. 

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20140613.mp3

As heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show with Paul Stacey on 13 June 2014.

Juan gone

Spain's quitting king thing. Why'd he do it? What'll he do next? Who'll get his job? 

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20140606.mp3

As heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show with Paul Stacey on 6 June 2014.

A right royal monk on

What happens when your favourite servant leaves to join a monastery? I ponder Prince Edward's latest predicament with the help of a talking llama.

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20140530.mp3

As heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show with Paul Stacey on 30 May 2014.

Queen Freddie floored by Jacko's llama luvvie

Back in August 2013 we brought the good people of Erewash news of duets recorded by Michael Jackson and Freddie Mercury. We also had the inside scoop with an exclusive interview with Colin the llama. 

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20130802.mp3

As heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show with Paul Stacey on 2 August 2013.

(The above photo of Colin is from flickr.)

Vocal range and the power of the imagination

Find out which singer has the best vocal range, how good a Corrie favourite is at doing accents and what Cheryl Cole wears underneath her clothes.

As heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show with Paul Stacey 23 May 2014.

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20140523.mp3

Jurassic Park - exclusive interview

The new Jurassic Park sequel, Jurassic World, is to feature only one of the original cast. I caught up with Tony the triceratops, one of those left out, for his take on the shock decision.

First heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show with Paul Stacey on 21 March 2014.

http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20140321.mp3

Celeb news - Celebrity Tax Fudge with Gravy Browning

The first bulletin to be released as a podcast. You can listen for yourself at: http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/files/audio/CelebNews20140516.mp3

Completely made up and entirely fictional popstar and national treasure Gravy Browning joins us for new quiz. As heard on the Erewash Sound Breakfast Show with Paul Stacey on 16 May 2014.

The raw feed is here http://thefuzzbox.jellycast.com/podcast/feed/5 but it's not pretty.

Celebrity news - tough old cheese

 Figures released today show that an increasing number of news stories begin with the phrase figures released today. This comes just moments before the results of a pretend survey show that people who wear underwear make better partners, have great hair, shiny teeth and are ‘legends in the sack’. The survey, paid for by the fake Association of British Undercracker and Unmentionables Manufacturers, was completely unbiased and in no way an attempt to grab our headlines and provide some free advertising. It also seemed to ignore the very real story about Rita Ora who has stunned, and very nearly shaken the country to its very core, by admitting she sometimes buys bargain packs of pants. Ms Ora dons an elaborate disguise for her knock-down knicker-buying which involves wearing both a hoody and sunglasses.

The pop legend, most famous for [insert name of song here], may be being frugal so she can save some cash to see League Two relegation battlers Bristol Rovers and hang out with some celebrity chums.

Rovers’ Memorial Stadium is fast becoming the place for Hollywood A-listers to be seen. Frasier and Cheers star Kelsey Grammer blessed Bristol Rovers with his showbiz magic this Easter Monday as they lost 2-1 to Rochdale.

Mr Grammer, 59, is now the son in law of Rovers’ youth-team coach and former City striker Alan Walsh, 57. On the age difference between father and son-in-law, a mouse found behind the back of a friend’s fridge said, ‘it’s fine, it’s fine. Why would there be a problem? Honestly it’s fine.’

If watching Bristol Rovers edge closer to the Conference has whetted Frasier’s appetite for British sporting excellence he should get himself to Gloucestershire for some full on extreme cheese rolling. Cooper’s Hill near Brockworth is set to see the return of actual, real cheese after last year organisers used a foam version to address police concerns about public safety.

The ancient cheese rolling event, which stretches back through the very mists of times, all the way to ye actual Victorian times, has enthusiasts hurtle themselves down the hill chasing a ball of cheese. The official event stopped after 2009 saw around 15,000 turn up for the fromagey-fun, setting off fears about safety at the hill. The hardcore continued with last year’s unofficial event attracting 3,000 cheese freaks despite police warnings that organisers could face legal action.

This year things seem to have relaxed.Gloucestershire Police announced that "We don't have a stance on cheese-rolling […]. It's not a public event but we still have public order responsibilities and nothing will change in that regard from last year."

87 year old cheese maker Diana Smart has made a cheese for the cheese chasers to chase.  "It's just an ordinary double Gloucester but they wrap it well so it holds together and anyway it's a tough old cheese."

And while I admit this story has very little to do with celebrities I have heard, by putting my ear against a shell at the seaside, that Adele’s next single will be called ‘tough old cheese’. There, does that make you feel better?

Celeb news - No drugs please, we're American!

Nigella Lawson, once described by my cat as the female Gary Rhodes, has been refused entry to the US of America for admitting to having once taken some cocaines. America is a notoriously conservative country, frowning upon any illegal drug taking and barring anyone with even the memory of a narcotic experience from dirtying their hallowed shores. A spokesman for something or other said, ‘frankly my dear the land of the free is no place for people what do drugs, if we let even one drugger in then who knows what will happen, it may even encourage some of our own otherwise saintly celebrities to dabble in your cocaines and that’ll never do.’

Ilkeston’s very own Robert Lindsay, who used to live in Ilkeston, has been receiving rave reviews for his turn in the stage play Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. The Ilkeston actor admitted that he had never seen the original 1988 film starring Michael Caines from off of Zulu but . . . whoah hang on we’ve got some late breaking news . . .

Nigella Lawson, once described by my other cat as the female Keith Floyd, has now been offered the chance to apply for a working visa by the US Embassy. A spokesman for something or other said, ‘so she’s done a bit of the nose candies, so what, there’s no need to get your panties in a twist about it, besides she bakes a mean pastry and have you caught a look at her macaroons? They’re stupendous!’

Paul Stacey played an audio version of this on his radio show. You can listen to him every week day from 7am on Erewash Sound. 96.8fm or www.erewashsound.com.

Tonight's Telly - Celebrity Dangle

Don't miss
Celebrity Dangle - PlusFive 8.30pm
Celebrity version of the popular Andy Crane fronted quiz show where contestants hang from ever increasing heights while being asked increasingly tough trivia questions.

This week Colin Murray goes head to head and upside down against Judith Chalmers.

Film Pick
Rising Infection - MovieSponge 9.30pm
Chilling zombie horror starring Robert Lindsay as a brave British scientist battling against mortis australianus or the Australian death. A deadly disease breaks out of a soap opera set, spreading across the globe and turning all it touches into mindless, bumbling corpses whose every ungodly utterance sounds like a question for which there is no answer.  (15) Contains horror, gore, extreme peril and constant rising inflection.

Best of the rest
How to Cook Good Naked - Diane 9pm
Fashion's very own Gok Wan whips up the perfect pud in the nud and shows you how to get the most out of your dumplings.

Celeb news - the world is a vampire

Here at your celebrity news unit, if there’s one thing we can’t stand it’s made-up rumours, inaccuracies and lies and people what can’t count properly and do a proper grammar.

Last week Nick Knowles’ sister Beyonce had her spokeslady slam, yes slam(!), rumours that Be-Yo was having an affair with professional president Baracks Obama as absurd. Of course they’re absurd, everyone knows he prefers Kelly Rowland. At least that's what I've heard.

Another rumour that has us crazy bonkers foaming at the mouth is that celebrity person Kim Cardassian has had an artificial bum installed. The star, most famous for something or other, went on the Twitter to state "I'm seeing all these nonsense tabloids claiming I have butt implants-injections. Get a life!" Get a life indeed, it’s not even believable, not like that one about Pharrell Williams.

Pharrell, who recently updated Ken Dodd’s Happiness song for the text message generation, has had to deny rumours that he’s an actual vampire. The forty year old NERD singer told Time Out London: "I'm willing to go on record as saying that I don't drink people's blood." Pharrell put his youthful looks, at such an advanced ancient age, down to washing his face. Given that we hate rumours and gossip mongering it would be wrong of us to point out that he didn’t specify with what he cleansed his mush. Those fine chops of his could be washed with the blood of rap duo Salt’n’Peppa for all we know. After all it’s been literally donkeys’ years since anyone’s heard anything from them. I’m not saying they’re being used as human soap dispensers but it definitely makes you think.

Paul Stacey played an audio version of this on his radio show. Listen to him every weekday morning from 7 on Erewash Sound. 96.8fm or www.erewashsound.com. xx

Celeb news: Confessions of a celeb

There was panic on the streets of London this week as One Direction's Liam Payne was seen on the ledge of a tall building. A picture of the stunt was posted to Twitter but soon deleted after many fans became scared. Don't worry though, you can still get all frightened and outraged by just opening one of the many papers or websites that re-printed the offending shot. But just what was he doing up there? Sources close to my video collection say young Liam was trying to emulate one of his favourite film characters played by cheeky Robin Askwith. 'Liam loves Confessions of a Window Cleaner and thought for a moment he could live the life of a smutty 70s sex comedy, getting all soapy with bored housewives and hiding from jealous husbands and the like. He now realises his error and will concentrate instead on trying to get a job on the buses.'

Former Smiths singer and Penguin Classics author Morrissey is set to release another album this year. I have no details but reckon this will be the first album by Moz to feature a laugh track and songs inspired by the sitcom Keeping Up Appearances. A spokesman for my cat said, 'Morrisey can't get enough of Mrs Bucket, or Bouquet as she insists on calling herself, and he literally wets himself every time she frightens her neighbour into dropping a tea cup. This is just his way of paying tribute to a comedy classic.' Fans are said to be depressed at the idea, so at least they're happy.

Liam and Moz aren't the only pop stars with a passion for classic British comedy. Jessie J has shown her colours by getting her hair done blue just like Mrs Slocombe on TV's Are You Being Served? I'm not sure how far the tribute goes but rumour is she's had her pet cat done to match.

 The audio version of this was on the radio at some point. Tune in to Paul Stacey's breakfast show on Erewash Sound for a chance of hearing it.

Celeb news - A more innocent time

Hi!!! As TV’s the Fonzie would say or perhaps sing. The Fonzie is set to return in a new musical based on Happy Days, opening this weekend in Bromley. For those too young to remember, Happy Days was a sitcom set in the golden age of the fifties, those innocent days long before the ills of the internet were even imagined. The show revolved around a mechanic who used to befriend school kids and hang around inside the girls’ toilets at the local diner. It really was a more innocent time. The musical revival stars former Emmerdale Farm actor Ben Freeman as the Fonzie with Bucks Fizz bombshell Cheryl Baker as Mrs Cunningham, a parent of two of the teens he befriends.

Speaking of more innocent times. Remember S Club 7? They were like S Club Juniors but without later chart success as The Saturdays. Well they too may be getting a musical revival if Twitter is any indication. One of the S Club boys, Paul Cattermole, got on the old tweeting box to hassle former bandmates about a reunion. You might think that there wouldn’t be a cat in mole’s chance of this leading anywhere but one of them actually tweeted back with ‘ok LOL’. Reports that Cattermole then printed this out at his local library, shouting at librarians that it was a legally binding contract and that they’d better get him a plastic wallet for safekeeping are entirely made up.

Something that's not made up is that retired American basketball person Dennis Rodman has paid another visit to suspiciously fat North Korean dictator Lil Kim Jong Un. Rodman even sung happy birthday to the chubby tubster, much like Marylin Monroes did for JFK. Reports that Paul Cattermole is trying to get his former bandmates to sing at the next big North Korean birthday bash are just complete fabrications as is the rumour that Kim Jong Un would want to turn them all into an S Club Sandwich and eat them.