It’s the must see hit of the summer! Amazing! Five stars! A triumph! A sure-fire classic! It’s Teen Beach Movie and with any luck we’ll be quoted on the poster. It’s this year’s Saved by the Bell! It’s probably got all your favourite teen beach stars. This may or may not include Miley Cyrus, whose new single ‘We Can’t Stop’ is said to reference MDMA, which is a credit card company or something. Some people are said to be upset about the MDMA thing, probably because it could be seen to encourage teenagers to rely on credit.
If Miley is in Teen Beach Movie, she’s probably playing someone trying to consolidate her debts into one manageable loan but finds her credit score makes some lenders jumpy. It’s deeper than you think, I think, all about fiscal responsibility in a world where jobs for life are few and far between.
One of the few remaining long term jobs is being vacated as James Alexander Gordon retires after roughly 161 years of reading the classified football results. Luton Rovers 4 – Derby Athletic 1. I’m not sure who they’re going to get to replace him. Hamilton Pedagogicals 2 – Arbroath under 11s 3. They need some new blood, someone young (but not too young, early thirties should do it). S Club 7 – Jackson 5. I mean, if they asked … Police Academy 2 – Ghostbusters 2… I’d be delighted.
I just can’t do Saturdays.
Speaking of The Saturdays one of them was seen wearing a low cut dress this week. It was in the paper. You can probably find a picture on the internet as well. Mind you, in this weather you can even get away without wearing a vest. But for Gok’s sake, drink plenty of water and avoid sitting out in it for too long.
Listen to the actual audio version of Celebrity News every Friday morning at about 8am on Wake up with Erewash. www.erewashsound.com or 96.8fm. Follow @paulstaceyshow on twitters for more details.
Friday 26 July 2013
Friday 19 July 2013
Celebrity news - Lines are closed
Welcome back to the celebrity news unit Celebriquiz, Colin's on course to win those tickets to see Erewash's second best Bucks Fizz tribute act Bicks Fuzz. Colin are you still with us?
Just about
OK. Colin next question to get you on the way. Amelia Lily from the X Factor has cancelled all pre-orders for her debut album this week. Is this because:
A - record label bosses fear it is so awful that playing it will open a portal to a hell dimension
B - Amelia has delayed the release to work on new material for it, or
C - it's at a pitch that's upsetting to dogs and other domestic pets, such as cats and rabbits
I'm pretty sure Gary Barlow's solo work opened a gateway to the netherworld, so it can't be that, ands it probably is upsetting for dogs but I don't know cats or rabbits would feel the same. I'll go with b, she's working on more material
Are you sure
Umm, yes. Pretty sure.
You're bang on! It was b. Ok one more question to go and those tickets could be yours. Colin if you won who would you take with you?
Probably ilkeston born actor Robert lindsay or his brother.
OK, well fingers crossed, good luck, here goes, final question. Pop singing lady Rita Ora is rumoured to be collaborating with which heartthrob singer and actor. Is it
A - Justin Timberlake
B - Nick Berry or
C - Dennis Waterman?
Er well I know Rita Ora is too orangey for crows but none of them is an actual crow, so that doesn't help. Nick Berry was in Heartbeat as well as being a heartthrob so I'll go with b again. Nick Berry.
Nick Berry?
Yep.
Colin. You're wrong it was A - Justin Timberlake. I'm so sorry. The tickets will roll over to next week when you'll also be able to compete for a bag of beef mince from a local butcher of your choice. So keep your wireless radio tuned to 96.8fm for Erewash Sound.
Friday 12 July 2013
Celebrity news - Biebo's bucket'o'wee
Previously I’ve referred to Justin Bieber as the Canadian Chesney Hawkes. Following recent events I would like to apologise to Mr Hawkes for any hurt or distress this may have caused. This week a video of the Biebster was leaked onto the internet showing the teenage singer in a restaurant weeing into a bucket. This act demonstrates without doubt that comparisons with Mr Hawkes are unfair and unfounded, no matter what you thought of the film Buddy’s Song co-starring Roger Daltrey of The Who and Michael Elphick from off of Boon.
You may be sick to your back teeth of young Biebster and his antics, so you may not want to stick Selena Gomez's new song in your personal stereo. The track, titled Love Will Remember, begins with a voicemail Biebo left for Selena in which he calls her a princess. Unfortunately my copy got chewed up in the tape machine so I can't play you the actual message. From memory though it goes something like this:
After hearing that you may be wondering, just what is the state of Justin and Selena's relationship? Well, celeb fans, they're back together (at the time of writing). The reunion is on the proviso that the young man behave himself. After all the leaked video also showed Biebo getting up to such reprehensible antics as swearing at a photo of former US president Bill Clinton and squirting cleaning fluid all over it. He's since begged Bill for his forgiveness.
Speaking of former commander in chief Bill.IAMS, last month some of Monica Lewinsky's clothes went up for online auction, giving us all a chance to air old jokes and perhaps splash out on her dress. Sadly reports seem to indicate that buyers weren't interested, with the auction site slightly misjudging the market, coming so close but no cigar.
Listen to Celebrity News every Friday morning at about 8am on Wake up with Erewash. www.erewashsound.com or 96.8fm. Follow @paulstaceyshow on twitters for more details.
You may be sick to your back teeth of young Biebster and his antics, so you may not want to stick Selena Gomez's new song in your personal stereo. The track, titled Love Will Remember, begins with a voicemail Biebo left for Selena in which he calls her a princess. Unfortunately my copy got chewed up in the tape machine so I can't play you the actual message. From memory though it goes something like this:
Er hello princess? It's Justin Bieber here , famous singer and your on-off boy squeeze. Errrrrrrr, you doing anything tonight? You probably are but I've er got Ghostbusters II out on video and a massive pizza, they had a special offer on, do you want to come over? No problem if you don't. I mean I can always stick it back in the freezer. The pizza I mean, not the video, ha ha ha. Anyway errrr, yeah let me know. Byeee!
After hearing that you may be wondering, just what is the state of Justin and Selena's relationship? Well, celeb fans, they're back together (at the time of writing). The reunion is on the proviso that the young man behave himself. After all the leaked video also showed Biebo getting up to such reprehensible antics as swearing at a photo of former US president Bill Clinton and squirting cleaning fluid all over it. He's since begged Bill for his forgiveness.
Speaking of former commander in chief Bill.IAMS, last month some of Monica Lewinsky's clothes went up for online auction, giving us all a chance to air old jokes and perhaps splash out on her dress. Sadly reports seem to indicate that buyers weren't interested, with the auction site slightly misjudging the market, coming so close but no cigar.
Listen to Celebrity News every Friday morning at about 8am on Wake up with Erewash. www.erewashsound.com or 96.8fm. Follow @paulstaceyshow on twitters for more details.
Friday 5 July 2013
Celebrity news - Filth hound
Actor and friend of Madonna, Rupert Everett has got into a bit of bother for doing some swearing when he appeared on TV's Loose Women. We here at the celebrity news unit are disgusted and extremely disappointed that he would use foul language that could upset delicate daytime TV viewers. Did he not think that I could have accidentally recorded Loose Women, in all innocence, and then accidentally shown it to a child? The fiend.
Of course, I didn’t actually see the show and I’m not exactly sure what he said, but I’m still outraged to even think that it could be something as horrifying as (*&^&$%$!”£! or !@#%$ or even $^*!#@. Whatever he said, he’s a foul mouthed filth-hound and should be banished from this fair isle until he can manage some verbal restraint.
Friends of professional pop singer Olly Murs may be swearing after suggestions that the nicest man in music is too famous to go on a lads’ holiday with them. The cruel devil on my shoulder suggests that this is just a £@(&!^> excuse and the real reason he's not going is because he's fed up of all the laddish activities such as er crazy golf or whatever. Which is a £#(&!^> shame really.
Olly may or may not be too famous for a jolly boys’ outing, but is he famous enough to have his own waxwork at Madame Tussauds? (He might be. I’ve not checked.) Someone who is famous enough is the lovely Adele, the lady what done the last James Bond theme song. Adele’s waxy effigy was unveiled this week but the actual pop star was nowhere to be seen. Wild rumours have it that she didn’t attend because she’s on a lads’ holiday with Olly Murs’ mates. A spokesperson for someone tried to quash these rumours saying ‘of course she £@(&!^> isn't. What are you some kind of £@(&!^> idiot?’
Listen to Celebrity News every Friday morning at about 8am on Wake up with Erewash. www.erewashsound.com or 96.8fm. Follow @paulstaceyshow on twitters for more details.
Of course, I didn’t actually see the show and I’m not exactly sure what he said, but I’m still outraged to even think that it could be something as horrifying as (*&^&$%$!”£! or !@#%$ or even $^*!#@. Whatever he said, he’s a foul mouthed filth-hound and should be banished from this fair isle until he can manage some verbal restraint.
Friends of professional pop singer Olly Murs may be swearing after suggestions that the nicest man in music is too famous to go on a lads’ holiday with them. The cruel devil on my shoulder suggests that this is just a £@(&!^> excuse and the real reason he's not going is because he's fed up of all the laddish activities such as er crazy golf or whatever. Which is a £#(&!^> shame really.
Olly may or may not be too famous for a jolly boys’ outing, but is he famous enough to have his own waxwork at Madame Tussauds? (He might be. I’ve not checked.) Someone who is famous enough is the lovely Adele, the lady what done the last James Bond theme song. Adele’s waxy effigy was unveiled this week but the actual pop star was nowhere to be seen. Wild rumours have it that she didn’t attend because she’s on a lads’ holiday with Olly Murs’ mates. A spokesperson for someone tried to quash these rumours saying ‘of course she £@(&!^> isn't. What are you some kind of £@(&!^> idiot?’
Listen to Celebrity News every Friday morning at about 8am on Wake up with Erewash. www.erewashsound.com or 96.8fm. Follow @paulstaceyshow on twitters for more details.
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