Celeb news: Confessions of a celeb

There was panic on the streets of London this week as One Direction's Liam Payne was seen on the ledge of a tall building. A picture of the stunt was posted to Twitter but soon deleted after many fans became scared. Don't worry though, you can still get all frightened and outraged by just opening one of the many papers or websites that re-printed the offending shot. But just what was he doing up there? Sources close to my video collection say young Liam was trying to emulate one of his favourite film characters played by cheeky Robin Askwith. 'Liam loves Confessions of a Window Cleaner and thought for a moment he could live the life of a smutty 70s sex comedy, getting all soapy with bored housewives and hiding from jealous husbands and the like. He now realises his error and will concentrate instead on trying to get a job on the buses.'

Former Smiths singer and Penguin Classics author Morrissey is set to release another album this year. I have no details but reckon this will be the first album by Moz to feature a laugh track and songs inspired by the sitcom Keeping Up Appearances. A spokesman for my cat said, 'Morrisey can't get enough of Mrs Bucket, or Bouquet as she insists on calling herself, and he literally wets himself every time she frightens her neighbour into dropping a tea cup. This is just his way of paying tribute to a comedy classic.' Fans are said to be depressed at the idea, so at least they're happy.

Liam and Moz aren't the only pop stars with a passion for classic British comedy. Jessie J has shown her colours by getting her hair done blue just like Mrs Slocombe on TV's Are You Being Served? I'm not sure how far the tribute goes but rumour is she's had her pet cat done to match.

 The audio version of this was on the radio at some point. Tune in to Paul Stacey's breakfast show on Erewash Sound for a chance of hearing it.

Celeb news - A more innocent time

Hi!!! As TV’s the Fonzie would say or perhaps sing. The Fonzie is set to return in a new musical based on Happy Days, opening this weekend in Bromley. For those too young to remember, Happy Days was a sitcom set in the golden age of the fifties, those innocent days long before the ills of the internet were even imagined. The show revolved around a mechanic who used to befriend school kids and hang around inside the girls’ toilets at the local diner. It really was a more innocent time. The musical revival stars former Emmerdale Farm actor Ben Freeman as the Fonzie with Bucks Fizz bombshell Cheryl Baker as Mrs Cunningham, a parent of two of the teens he befriends.

Speaking of more innocent times. Remember S Club 7? They were like S Club Juniors but without later chart success as The Saturdays. Well they too may be getting a musical revival if Twitter is any indication. One of the S Club boys, Paul Cattermole, got on the old tweeting box to hassle former bandmates about a reunion. You might think that there wouldn’t be a cat in mole’s chance of this leading anywhere but one of them actually tweeted back with ‘ok LOL’. Reports that Cattermole then printed this out at his local library, shouting at librarians that it was a legally binding contract and that they’d better get him a plastic wallet for safekeeping are entirely made up.

Something that's not made up is that retired American basketball person Dennis Rodman has paid another visit to suspiciously fat North Korean dictator Lil Kim Jong Un. Rodman even sung happy birthday to the chubby tubster, much like Marylin Monroes did for JFK. Reports that Paul Cattermole is trying to get his former bandmates to sing at the next big North Korean birthday bash are just complete fabrications as is the rumour that Kim Jong Un would want to turn them all into an S Club Sandwich and eat them.