Friday 17 January 2014

Celeb news: Confessions of a celeb

There was panic on the streets of London this week as One Direction's Liam Payne was seen on the ledge of a tall building. A picture of the stunt was posted to Twitter but soon deleted after many fans became scared. Don't worry though, you can still get all frightened and outraged by just opening one of the many papers or websites that re-printed the offending shot. But just what was he doing up there? Sources close to my video collection say young Liam was trying to emulate one of his favourite film characters played by cheeky Robin Askwith. 'Liam loves Confessions of a Window Cleaner and thought for a moment he could live the life of a smutty 70s sex comedy, getting all soapy with bored housewives and hiding from jealous husbands and the like. He now realises his error and will concentrate instead on trying to get a job on the buses.'

Former Smiths singer and Penguin Classics author Morrissey is set to release another album this year. I have no details but reckon this will be the first album by Moz to feature a laugh track and songs inspired by the sitcom Keeping Up Appearances. A spokesman for my cat said, 'Morrisey can't get enough of Mrs Bucket, or Bouquet as she insists on calling herself, and he literally wets himself every time she frightens her neighbour into dropping a tea cup. This is just his way of paying tribute to a comedy classic.' Fans are said to be depressed at the idea, so at least they're happy.

Liam and Moz aren't the only pop stars with a passion for classic British comedy. Jessie J has shown her colours by getting her hair done blue just like Mrs Slocombe on TV's Are You Being Served? I'm not sure how far the tribute goes but rumour is she's had her pet cat done to match.

 The audio version of this was on the radio at some point. Tune in to Paul Stacey's breakfast show on Erewash Sound for a chance of hearing it.


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