Unangenehm! As our German chums might say. Awkward! That's how professional president and top American Barack Obamas must feel as his German counterpart Angie Merkel rings to find out why the US is spying on her telephone. We spoke to one pretend spook on condition of anonymity who told us - 'There's nothing to worry about, it was meant to be a secret but I suppose you should know, President Obamas is really one of Santa's helpers. In fact everyone in the NSA has got a hotline to Father Christmas in the North Pole. We just wanted to listen in to find out what Angie really likes and make sure we got her the perfect present. Is that such a crime? Sheesh!'
Sheesh indeed. What could this perfect present be? One look at the sales charts on one popular online retailer may reveal a clue. Last week it was revealed that for the first time since internet records began Sir Cliff Richards is not the number one top selling celebrity calendar. No sirree Bob, it's his arch rivals the One Direction whose calendars are flying off the virtual shelves like actual hot cakes. Sir Clifford has soon put the shoe on the upper hand though as this week it's emerged that his mugs are selling faster than the ones by One Direction. Cliff's managed sales of 2000 for his mugs whereas the 1D boys have only managed 250 sales for theirs. Pfft!!
All these mugs and calendars can't just be for President Obama's mates, you might say. And you'd be abso-bloomin-lutely right. But where are they going? The trail leads us back to Germany where the Bishop of Bling Franz-Peter Tebartz-van Elst has been accused of spending about £26 million doing up his official residence. With that amount of cash he can afford to treat himself and, though the Vatican has yet to confirm it, the suspended bish may have dished out a fair few euros on Cliff Richards's mug with plenty leftover to splash on a One Direction calendar. Unangenehm indeed, you naughty bishop!
This was on the radio. Erewash Sound to be exact. Listen on 96.8fm or www.erewashsound.com.
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