Wotsisface Bieber has narrowly missed having to spend time on the chain gang. It's been reported that he won't face arrest for allegedly spitting in the face of a neighbour in March. The Biebster, best known for abandoning his monkey in Germany, was said to have propelled the gobload after his neighbour confronted him for driving unbelievably recklessly. The police man person in America what done the thorough investigation into this said Biebo's actions were 'disproportionate and immature', but that there wasn't enough evidence that any criminal activity had taken place. Our zoological correspondent tracked down Justin Bieber's former monkey who had this to say 'ooooh, oooh ooh', which roughly translates as 'what a dick'.
The monkey was strangely silent on the subject of Helen Flanagan's hair colour. Ms Flanagan apparently used to be on Coronation Street and at one time had blonde hair and then she didn't have blonde hair and now she does have blonde hair and everything is all right with the world.
Gary Barlows from off of Take That has kinda got blonde hair. He's also kinda going to be on Coronation Street. Posters for his real album will be pasted onto fake billboards to be shown on the long running itv+1 soap opera programme. We asked Ilkeston's number one Les Dennis impersonator, what fan favourite Mavis Wilton would say about all this, to which he replied 'I don't really know', which is no help at all, honestly!
The sound audio version of this went out on the radio on Erewash Sound. They have a website. It is www.erewashsound.com.
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