It’s the shock news of the year, enough to knock any
other stories off the top spot. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, JLS
is no more. Quick research by the Celebrity News Unit reveals that, contrary to
popular belief, JLS does not stand for jobless subsidy and is not a benefit of
any kind. It is in fact a boy band. Fans were stunned at the announced break-up,
with one figment stating ‘I’m flabbergasted, gobsmacked, sick as a parrot. I
thought they’d split ages ago.’
The announcement comes in the same week that Britney
Spears was seen exiting a coffee shop with a cup of coffee. Experts at the imaginary
Foundation for Celebrity Semiotics believe this is a coded message from the
Britsper. A spokesperson said, ‘this is clearly Britney’s way of telling us to
keep it real, to move on and accept the news about JLS; to wake up and, quite
literally and metaphysically, smell the coffee.’
But still, it’s causing stirs and rumblings up the
twitter, with celebrities from One Direction to the Saturdays all tweeting
their two penn’orth. In fact one of the Saturdays (the pregnant one) is married
to one of the JLSers (your guess is as good as mine), and announced that she
was ‘V sad’. That one from the Saturdays has turned to food for comfort and
posted a picture online of what some in the press are calling a fry-up. The
Foundation for Celebrity Semiotics has analysed the picture and can reveal that
even though she may indeed be ‘V sad’, the presence of bacon hints that it won’t
be long before she and the rest of us are well over it.
Listen to Celebrity News every Friday morning at about 8am on Wake up with Erewash. www.erewashsound.com or 96.8fm. Follow @paulstaceyshow on twitters for more details.
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