What makes the celebrity news unit distinct from other showbiz news outlets, is our willingness to admit when we’ve got something wrong. Some weeks ago we brought you news that Justin Bieber’s monkey had been taken into custody by German officials because the chub-faced warbler hadn’t bothered to fill in the necessary paperwork. That much was true. We then suggested that Cheryl Cole had assembled a crack squad of celebrities, including Samuel L Jackson, Robert Downey Jr and Gwyneth Paltrow, to go on a secret monkey mission, with Lindsay Lohan using her guile and acting ability to pull off the final rescue. We were wrong. The lovely Cheryl Cole didn’t yank Biebster’s monkey away from the Germans, nor has young Justin responded to calls to pay a fine and repatriate his erstwhile pet. The monkey has now been adopted by his German keepers and will start a new life in Bavaria. We apologise for misleading you and hope you’ll find it in your heart to forgive us. In the meantime we’re ignoring reports we’ve made up that the abandoned primate is writing a book titled Unbeliebable: My Life as Justin Bieber’s Monkey. We’re also dubious about suggestions that comedy legend Tommy Cannon will be playing the monkey in the forthcoming screen adaptation. It’s more likely to be Matt Damon or someone like that.
All this monkey business won't have impressed Taylor Swift much. She's already expressed concerns about bezzy mate Selena Gomez kickstarting her romance with the pint-sized Canadian crooner. Unnamed sources says she reckons Selena could do better than Bieber. And it's likely the monkey agrees.
The monkey may also have an opinion on David Beckham's retirement from football possibly saying ooh ooh ha ha which is monkey language for 'that Becks seems like a great guy, I'd love to go into business with him. My monkey mates and I are always looking for novelty ways to store our fruit and I've heard he's hung up his boots to concentrate on selling banana hammocks. If he can find a way to cover our monkey nuts as well, I'll have my cheque book open faster than you can say ooh ooh oohh ha ha ha.'
Listen to the audio version go out on Erewash Sound (www.erewashsound.com) every Friday morning from 8am.
All this monkey business won't have impressed Taylor Swift much. She's already expressed concerns about bezzy mate Selena Gomez kickstarting her romance with the pint-sized Canadian crooner. Unnamed sources says she reckons Selena could do better than Bieber. And it's likely the monkey agrees.
The monkey may also have an opinion on David Beckham's retirement from football possibly saying ooh ooh ha ha which is monkey language for 'that Becks seems like a great guy, I'd love to go into business with him. My monkey mates and I are always looking for novelty ways to store our fruit and I've heard he's hung up his boots to concentrate on selling banana hammocks. If he can find a way to cover our monkey nuts as well, I'll have my cheque book open faster than you can say ooh ooh oohh ha ha ha.'
Listen to the audio version go out on Erewash Sound (www.erewashsound.com) every Friday morning from 8am.
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