Celebrity news - Unangenehm

Unangenehm! As our German chums might say. Awkward! That's how professional president and top American Barack Obamas must feel as his German counterpart Angie Merkel rings to find out why the US is spying on her telephone. We spoke to one pretend spook on condition of anonymity who told us - 'There's nothing to worry about, it was meant to be a secret but I suppose you should know, President Obamas is really one of Santa's helpers. In fact everyone in the NSA has got a hotline to Father Christmas in the North Pole. We just wanted to listen in to find out what Angie really likes and make sure we got her the perfect present. Is that such a crime? Sheesh!'

Sheesh indeed. What could this perfect present be? One look at the sales charts on one popular online retailer may reveal a clue. Last week it was revealed that for the first time since internet records began Sir Cliff Richards is not the number one top selling celebrity calendar. No sirree Bob, it's his arch rivals the One Direction whose calendars are flying off the virtual shelves like actual hot cakes. Sir Clifford has soon put the shoe on the upper hand though as this week it's emerged that his mugs are selling faster than the ones by One Direction. Cliff's managed sales of 2000 for his mugs whereas the 1D boys have only managed 250 sales for theirs. Pfft!!

All these mugs and calendars can't just be for President Obama's mates, you might say. And you'd be abso-bloomin-lutely right. But where are they going? The trail leads us back to Germany where the Bishop of Bling Franz-Peter Tebartz-van Elst has been accused of spending about £26 million doing up his official residence. With that amount of cash he can afford to treat himself and, though the Vatican has yet to confirm it, the suspended bish may have dished out a fair few euros on Cliff Richards's mug with plenty leftover to splash on a One Direction calendar. Unangenehm indeed, you naughty bishop!

This was on the radio. Erewash Sound to be exact. Listen on 96.8fm or www.erewashsound.com.

Celebrity news - strictly cliff

Strictly Come Dancing is waltzing back onto our screens with all your favourite celebrity famous people including one or other of the hairy bikers, a young lady who does the adding up on that show people used to watch and Sophie Ellis-Bextors from I Love Top of the Pops 2001. The show has been an annual event every year for what seems like ages and the producers have probably taken the chance to freshen things up a bit. That’s what usually happens. So expect 110% more excitement, thrills, spills and animals as Tess Daly is replaced by a real life grizzly bear and Brucie ‘Bruce’ Forsyth is just a dart gun away from death. Grr!

But everyone loves bears. Don't they? Maybe even bachelor boy and panda of pop Cliff Richards who has announced the release of his 100th album in November. Sir Cliffords describes The Fabulous Rock’n’Roll Songbook as a tribute to the likes of Elvis Presley, Chuck Berry, Little Richards and Buddy Holly. How has he managed to release so many albums? That may become clearer in December when he releases The Fabulous Christmas Carol Songbook, again in January when he gives us The Fabulous Nursery Rhyme Songbook and even more so in February with The Fabulous Phone Book Songbook where cliffles sings his favourite numbers from over the past century including the 80s classic 081 811 81 81 and the bang up to date non emergency number 101.

One number I hope Cliff has got in his rock'n'roll Rolodex is that of off the rails, crazy wild child Miley Cyrus. The star has worn a bikini on telly, done some saucy dancing and even said a naughty swear to a paparazzo. Will no one stop her? What will she do next? She's literally like unpredictable or something. She just cant keep out of the headlines.Oh and she's also got a song out. You can buy it in the shops or on the internet through one of those website things you hear so much about.

This kind of stuff is also available in a spoken word style on Erewash Sound. Tune in locally on 96.8fm or through www.erewashsound.com. It goes out every Friday on Paul Stacey's breakfast show.

Celebrity news - Dripping

Ilkeston's favourite actor, Ilkeston's very own, Ilkeston-born Robert Lindsay is said to have quit filming the second series of BBC Two's Line of Duty due to creative differences.  No word yet on what those creative differences may be. However, it may be down to Mester Lindsay improvising dialogue, calling everyone 'duck' and offering round his bag of tuffies at the end of each scene.
 
Speaking of sweeties. Are The Saturdays too nice for their own good? Rumours are that their TV show has been cancelled by the E! Entertainment channel in America because they don't do enough arguing. Well, according to thoughts I've been receiving through the ether, The Saturdays didn't even want to break America anyway because it's rubbish and it smells and it's really difficult to get a decent ploughman's lunch out there. And god forbid you get a craving for a scotch egg. No, The Saturdays are quite happy in Britain.

And so is Cliff Richard. The ever youthful Peter Cushing of pop is on a tour of stately homes around the country. So, take that America! Have you got bachelor boy Cliff Richard touring your country? No! And he's going to keep going. Sir Clifford has revealed that he's not retiring any time soon. But how does he stay looking so young? Is it all the tennis he plays, whacking balls back and forth? Has he got his very own rejuvenation chamber, imbued with the magickal knowledge of the ancients? Or does he do us all proud and stick to good old British products - rubbing pure British beef fat into his pores to retain his lustrous sheen? A source close to someone who knows my butcher says 'Cliff looks like he's never happier than when he has dripping all over his face.'

Listen to the spoken word version of this every Friday morning on Erewash Sound. Usually about 8am-ish. Check with @paulstaceyshow for details.