Celeb news - I will be back in time for a nice cup of tea

What's your favourite movie quote from a film? Well, come on then. Out with it. If you've not had chance to think then how about looking at what a recent poll says. They went through all your obvious ones, like 007's 'my name is James. James Bonds'. Or that one from Mary Poppins, 'G'day Mary Poppins'. Or the one from Jaws. 'Aaaargh it's a massive shark and I think it's going to bite my leg or something.' But the one they settled on was by California's own Arnold Schwarzenegger from his famous film The Terminators. You know the one, where he's a robot man from the future who knocks on doors asking people if they know Tom O'Connor and promises that he'll return in a bit saying 'I will be back'. Classic Arnie.

And if acting awards could speak, one that was once given to Nottingham's Su Pollard may very well have said 'I will be back.' Super Su was given an award back in 1966 but somehow the trophy was lost and ended up stuck in a cupboard for decades. But just like Arnie the award came back and was presented once more to Su at Glade Hill Primary School in Bestwood Park. And if you want to spend your internet minutes on something else there's an online web video of Su giving the award a good ol' kiss. Mwah!

Someone who doesn't even need to say 'I will be back' is Canadian teen singing sensation Justin Biebers. The superstar sproglet was rumoured this week to be retiring from showbiz. But it was just a rumour and we can all look forward to his new album which, according to sources at the back of my cupboard, will be called 'The Sound of Beige'. Tracks may include such wonders as 'All Fields (I remember when)', 'It's Slipper Time', and the more saucy number 'Walk in Bath for Two'. Order now and Michael Parkinson will even throw in a free Parkers Pen. Perhaps.

Celebrity news: Mercury attacked by Jacko's llama luvvie

Prepare your ears for the release of duets from Michael Jackson and Freddie Mercury later this year. According to Anita Dobson’s husband, Brian May, people will be able to hear the tracks in about two months’ time. The duo recorded a number of songs together in 1983, but had to cut short their studio time after Jackson brought in an actual llama.

To whet your appetite for the release of these historic recordings we have a World of Yeah celebrity news unit showbiz exclusive. Here, exclusively, we have an exclusive interview with that very llama, Colin.

Hello Colin. Thanks for joining us.
It’s a pleasure. I’m a huge fan of the show.

Thirty years ago you were working with Michael Jackson and Freddie Mercury. Two legends in pop. What was that like?
A delight from start to finish. Both of them were absolute gents.

How did you meet?
It was a party at Su Pollard’s house. You can always rely on dear Su for a good spread. I’d been hogging the buffet with Paul Shane, you know egging him on to see how many pickled onions he could fit into his mouth when I heard this tiny polite cough. I turned round and who should it be but the young one from off of the Jackson’s 5 trying to get to the cheese and pineapple on a stick. Paul almost choked. I had to hit him on the back with a good old hoof, which caused mushed pickled onion to fly all over Michael. I mean…what could you do? Su was a diamond. She got him a dressing gown and put his shirt in the twin tub. And then we just spent the rest of the night chatting, he about his music, me about the guard behaviour of llamas and our use in modern farming to protect livestock. 

And from this chance meeting over Su Pollard’s buffet, you were invited to join Michael Jackson and Freddie Mercury in the studio?
Yes. I was thrilled. When I met Freddie I told him as much. Love you work Freddie, I said, especially that Bohemian’s Rhapsody one you did. A bit long but good nevertheless. He smiled with those teeth of his.

It’s said that recording stopped, and I apologise for bringing this up, because you were disruptive. Is there any truth to that rumour?
A misunderstanding. Llamas, and I’m no exception, are fiercely protective. Dear Michael and Freddie are singing away, you know like they would, when all of a sudden my camelid instincts flare up. Freddie looks like he’s going for Michael, of whom I’d grown very fond, and I’m afraid I see red. I burst into the studio. The producer’s going absolutely ape defecation crazy and I put myself between Michael and Freddie, spitting away. Trying, or so I think, to protect my friend. Well, it takes some for the shouting to clear. Things were said, you know, and I end up at Paul Shane’s house, snacking on pickled onions and waiting to hear from Michael. Eventually he calls, all very understanding, and explains Freddie wasn’t trying to attack him it was just a case of over exuberant jazz hands. Years later we could laugh about it, but at the time I was mortified. 

And was that the end of you studio pop career?
Not quite. I did the odd job, off and on. You know doing backing vocals for the Sugarbabes, stuff like that.

Colin thank you ever so much for talking to us today. And if you want to hear things like this why not tune in to Paul Stacey's breakfast show on a Friday on Erewash Sound. 96.8fm or www.erewashsound.com.

Celebrity news - Experts predict which 1D boy to die first?

According to actual reports, Katy Perry has been dropped as the face of a brand of hair straighteners and all for not being famous enough. Katy's prepared to go to court to argue her case and we here at the Celebrity News Unit are happy to give her a head start.

Of course she’s famous enough, she’s er. . . used to be married to that bloke, you know and had that song that people liked. She’s . . . ok she’s no Su Pollard but she’s still famous and we love all her songs, even the rubbish ones. However, could Katy be wishing that she hadn’t scaled the dizzying heights of fame at all?

It’s official folks, or as official as these things can be, being famous can shave years off your life. That's according to dubious research floating its way to the top of the 'ready-made story bag'. Actors, singers, musicians, and dancers could all be heading to an earlier grave than counterparts in other walks of life. The experts at the Institute for Celebrity Mortality, or wherever they're from, claim it could be down to all the vices performers have. What with all the smoking, drinking and drugging that they do.

All this could be bad news for Harry Styles from off of One Direction. A Warwickshire-based celebrity mask manufacturer has revealed that Harry's mush is selling three times faster than those of the other 1D lads. The young pop scoundrel looks like he'd never touch a drug or a booze, but he could still be heading for that great stadium gig in the sky faster than his band mates. What if the scientists had got it wrong and something other than lifestyle was to blame?
Are there darker forces at work than fags, booze and poppers?

Is Harry playing chess with Death or is continuous touring an attempt to outrun a Final Destination–style fate? All of this has got us very worried here at the Celebrity News Unit and we urge young Harry to give it a rest, go into hiding for a bit, away from the spotlight. For your own sake, and for ours, stop man! Stop before it's too late. 

Listen to Celebrity News every Friday morning at about 8am on Wake up with Erewash. www.erewashsound.com or 96.8fm. Follow @paulstaceyshow on twitters for more details.

Celebrity news - Fizzy pop psychic pup

Celebrity person Jodie Marsh has stunned the world by announcing that she’d rather work at a supermarket than appear on television’s The Only Way is Essex. We’ve not been able to find out if this is because the supermarket pays more than TOWIE or not, but we’re sure she’d be a hit on the deli-counter and have started filling in an application form in her name. Fingers crossed Jodes!

Pop singer Beyoncé Knowles has allowed cameras behind the scenes of an advert she’s making for a popular fizzy drink. In the ad, Beyoncé does some dancing like she did in some famous music videos she’s done but this time instead of promoting her latest album she’s selling sugar water.

An outraged fan we’ve made up said ‘I’m disappointed in Ms Knowles, you’d never see her brother Nick hawking carbonated vegetable stock. He’s all about responding to people’s DIY woes. If she’s really that desperate for cash Nick could get her a few hours work as a plumber’s mate, fixing radiators and whatever.’

And if Beyoncé was worried about not being able to afford a gift for Miley Cyrus’s wedding she can breathe easy for a bit. Miley has announced she and her fiancée are postponing the big day, because they’re not ready yet. This should give Beyonce, Harry Styles, Su Pollard and the rest of the celebrity world time to save up for some vouchers or a nice set of table linen for the young couple.

We weren’t actually able to contact Miley direct for a quote, so instead we asked Stewart the psychic dog for his opinion. Touch your paws to his to find out more.

Listen to Celebrity News every Friday morning at about 8am on Wake up with Erewash. www.erewashsound.com or 96.8fm. Follow @paulstaceyshow on twitters for more details.