Look it’s not you. You’re a great person, you really are. Everyone speaks highly of you. They really do. It’s just…sometimes people need a bit of space. You know. And sometimes they’re willing to spend about £9 million for that bit of space. The fact that that bit of space is on an exclusive, private island, that you wouldn’t even get within swimming distance of without security turfing you off, is just a coincidence. Besides, Mick’s got a holiday home there as well. You know Mick, don’t you? Mick Jaggers from off of the Rolling Stones. Great guy. Lovely fella. They’re auctioning off bits of his hair. Really.
Anyway, what I’m really trying to say is, well, don’t take it personally. That especially goes for popular singing man Olly Murs. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence that, after Olly revealed he was looking forward to playing the football game FIFA 2013 with Robbie Williams, the former Take That star bought a holiday home on the exclusive island of Mustique. Just a coincidence.
And it’s just a coincidence that you keep seeing slimming ads on facebook. They’ve not got some little chap looking at you through a secret webcam, thinking ‘pfft, this chubster could do with saying no to seconds every now and again’, before sending you links to weight loss plans. It’s all like random or whatever, and quite possibly a bunch of bull shizzle.
You should be seeing a little less of those anyway. A diet company has just had its ads banned after making false claims. The claims include made up endorsements from Victoria ‘Posh Spices’ Beckham and award-winning singer Adele. Adele was meant to have said 'I lost 32kgs [sic] in four weeks with No Special Diet, No Intense Exercise!' For those not familiar with metric, 32kg is roughly the equivalent weight of around five decent-sized domestic cats.
If Adele hasn’t lost her weight through a bonkers, internet diet scam, then how else did she shift the pounds? It can’t have all dropped off through chasing pavements. Our made-up man with the webcam reckons Adele’s been limbering up with Robbie, saying ‘oh yeah they’re always at it. Rob’ll tell Olly he’s busy but really he’s taking on Adele at FIFA 2013. They’ve got their own Champions League and everything.'
That nice man Olly Murs may or may not get chance to play in Robbie and Adele's FIFA football league. But regardless of this he's still offered to babysit for Robbie when he goes on tour with him. I'm sure if you asked nicely, he'd babysit for you as well. Reasonable rates - just let him know how to work the telly box and show him where the biscuits are. He really is very nice.
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